trudging

I didn't get my roti prata in the end. And I've been taking cabs to and from office, but I can't claim the fares. Wretched and depressed really describes my mood now.

This begs the question: At which point will one finally tip over and snap? I guess despite all the awfulness, I still possess that whatever minuscle capacity to keep going. Or perhaps the trudging survival is simply driven by a lack of options, and awareness of that lack of choice. I am yearning for a flicker of hope to burst into an engulfing flame. It wouldn't hurt if it burns a lot of other things along the way as well.

Time to retire to bed. And once again, I shall strive to have my roti prata tomorrow in a few hours.

craving for roti prata

It's 3.18am now. And Im thinking of roti prata breakfast. I must have it!

As a very oldie person, this is the sort of thing I would be reluctant to reflect as a FB status update. Here, it's just a personal rant, it won't pop up as an update in the lives of other friends and even more acquaintances. Wanting to eat roti prata is a very private affair after all, eh. ;)

reclaiming romance

"At a time when opportunism is everything, when hope seems lost, when everything boils down to a cynical business deal, we must find the courage to dream. To reclaim romance. The romance of believing in justice, in freedom, and in dignity. For everybody. We have to make common cause, and to do this we need to understand how this big old machine works - who it works for and who it works against. Who pays, who profits."

- 'How Deep Shall We Dig', Listening to Grasshopers: Field Notes on Democracy, Arundhati Roy

Arundhati Roy's The God of Small Things is a profoundly stirring novel. She writes with a piercing sharpness and a strong sense of conviction. Because of that book, I was in awe and deeply fond of her writing. That led me to buying her latest book which is a compilation of her non-fiction writing. In the case of this book, the essays reflect her unflinching social and political beliefs.

Multiply

yesterday night once more

Apart from the pursuit of perfection and an obsession with aesthetically beautiful things, taking pictures generally makes me a happier person. This, I realise after I was up and about with my camera more frequently in the last two weeks and had taken random shots, some of which turn out fine. I feel more relief and less misery of late as a result of engaging in this pursuit.

The past few months have been very bad, worse than anyone could have imagined except myself. There comes a point sometime when it's useless to say anything, because, first of all, it doesn't help and secondly, others have already formed their own opinions based on what little they know or guess.

On Saturday, I was happy to be back at a favourite place, lingering around in the company of books and food. After much hesitation and unfruitful discussion between Yani and me on where we could go after dinner, I finally made the decision. We retraced our steps and set foot upon this place that I long wanted to visit but had found no chance until now.

My last shot of the day turned out to be my favourite one. Perhaps that explains the residual happiness the following day.