Felt and Seen

Cry
When did i last cry I can't remember.
But when I want to have a good cry
I found that my tears were dry.
Like a steam of consciousness without its flow
They are there but can't transpire in form.


Rain
Rain, is it passive?
Does it describe a phenomenon called precipitation, a type of weather
Or does it conjure more than droplets falling from the atmosphere?

That day in the cab cruising down Bukit Timah Road
Rain started falling meekly, almost sublimely;
It was contained and surreally peaceful.
Which makes me wonder if i could call it rain.

Rain?

The darkening evening sky was tranquil;
There was no lightning, nor thunder.
Just sturdy droplets dropping from above, as though
they were water broken into parts falling, falling in place
from the sky. It didn't feel like rain, no;
Or is this solitary rain, devoid of background and
Its usual qualities?


Twins
Is he his identical twin
or is he his other half?
Do they share the same destiny
or did their destinies converge
at the time of their birth?

His small frame leaning against his father,
who was all smiles and contentment, he drew
him towards his body. He allowed himself to
be drawn towards him, as if not by will or by
understanding, but that this was just the way it is.

Communicate: they don't talk to each other; they whisper.
He cupped his small hands round his ear,
transferring his thoughts to him; he did the same,
cupping his small hands round his ear, softly replying him.
Was it secretive talk or was it their way of communicating?

So close he is to him, and he him, that their natural bond
is almost palpable. And one wonders - just wondering - what if
one is one half of a twin, would we be as close as they?

Monday is shit day

0241hrs.
Tell me the right feeling to have now is that I will find it hard to wake up and get to work on time. Later. Soon.

Two hours and twenty minutes ago.
I walked out of the train onto the West-bound train platform - only to find that there was no more train service.

Three hours twenty minutes ago.
Hardly thinking anything is amiss, I confidently told Y: Nah, it doesn't matter which train I take, it's at most a difference of 10 minutes. (Only to realise one hour later, that 10 minutes make a big difference.)

Three hours fourty-five minutes ago.
Had a quick bite (supposedly dinner) at Macdonald's. Y said: Since it's already late, we might as well take our time. I replied: That's not logical; we should be hurrying instead.
Anyway, at this hour, the service staff were slow, the fries were bland and the chilli sauce tasted different, in a less palatable way.

Four hours ago.
Me to Y: All right, I'm done. Shutting down now.

Four hours ten minutes ago.
Me to Y: Give me another ten minutes.

Four hours twenty five minutes ago.
Me to Y: One more page to go. Give me another ten minutes.

Eight to ten hours ago.
Instead of spending productive time on work, was busy preparing for farewell gift for colleagues; and then busy spending money and carrying small furniture for the office's cozy corner for staff.

And for all that, I was paid shit for my labour. I mean it.
(In the Lift) Y: Heyyy...what's that (pointing to my shoulder). It looks like...bird shit.
Me: Turned my head diagonally downwards to the left. All right it's dead. certain. bird. shit. Shit!!!
Me: YEwwwwwww EEeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!

0306hrs
That's my Monday. Start of a brand new week.

bordered by the truth

It's hard not to feel a little smug. When your (lawyer) friend is made to eat his words, how can you not feel smug and triumphant and justified?

K recently discovered that one could save an obscene amount of money when Borders' discount coupons and its member card are used together. In fact, he even told me that the discount works out to be some 37% when the coupon and card are used. Honestly, i never bothered with the actual reduction. It's clear to me that i save A LOT of money from using the coupon and card, you know.

Yet it wasn't long ago that he not very subtly hinted to me that buying books is a waste of money since books can be borrowed from the library.

But now - now he's finally experienced the truth for himself.

I am (gleefully) happy to note that one more person can now appreciate why it is nearly imperative to make use of borders' discount coupons.

I rest my case. Now, i shall brace myself for any lawsuits to come!

Unbeknownst to Mr See, I was trying for a long time to capture his side portrait - except that his arm was resting against the table and covering his face.

After a while, the ladies got bored and, like an earnest child making yet another plea, reiterated their ultimate - and sole - objective: the hooters' photos! What was meant to be, would be. And so the stars were finally aligned, and the WIFI connection was suddenly working.

So the Nepal photos gave way to the hooters' photos. As I (wisely) told Adrian: 'the girls are only interested in two kinds of photos - those that have cute guys; or scandalous pictures.'

Well, the hooters' photos belonged to the latter category. =)

snapshots of a lane

So i was on some sort of pseudo-assignment at this quaint little lane. Armed with my trusted camera - only at such times do my fat cammie comes into good use - I was prying around, looking out for good scenes and interesting angles. Had I been born a decade later, perhaps the choices of post-secondary education would have been more varied; and I would have gladly pursued photography and writing courses. But one lives with what one has.

Here are some photos that I particularly like:





Needless to say, it was a mostly young crowd that passes through the lane, which houses many trendy shops that sell clothes and accessories for young people. It has the character of an enclave, the ambience cool and artsy.

Above, Sky.

Seeing Double

Sometimes, it's all about the right moment presenting itself. =)

A and W

The name and its faithful colours beamed brightly from the top of the slope. Nevermind that the name of the mall was a lot bigger and brighter. It just couldn't overshadow the brand name of the restaurant.

Lisa could barely conceal her joy when she saw it: 'Let's eat A&W for dinner!'

We used to have it here. But no more.

A&W's signature Root Beet Float. Don't we all miss it?!

The curly fries tasted as good as before - crispy and oh-so-tasty

online affair

So much of our life seems to be conducted online now. In the virtual world, that is.

I've procrastinated for so long, but somehow tonight i simply went through my mailbox and opened up emails that i wanted to reply but haven't got down to doing for the longest time. So i replied to Irene who's in Australia, who last emailed me in October. I replied to JG, that lucky guy who's probably enjoying his time in UK now. And i replied to KV, my university friend whom I've not met and spoken with for nearly a year.

Out of spontaniety, I emailed 1-0, whom i bumped into earlier, tried *coughing* unsuccessfully by her side to catch her attention, only to have her colleague/friend prompt her - 'your friend' - before walking thoughtfully away. I know i can always expect a response from her in the shortest time, for she's always efficient and thoughtful and prompt.

I also finally created a Facebook account, though i suspect it's going to be neglected, for i ain't actively 'adding' contacts. But like everyone else, i presume, I also ploughed through friends' friends' and their friends' friends' profiles, in the hope of spotting someone familiar. So I came across secondary school classmates, JC classmates, army friends, friends of friends whom I know but never ever spoke to. There's a certain sense of surreal connection in coming across these people who at some point in your life, have crossed paths with you.

And maybe our paths will cross again. But this time not in the classroom or on campus, not in army barracks or along corridors. This time it's online. Through words and pictures that flash on the inanimate box staring at you right this moment.

[After note: Right after posting this, i refreshed my mailbox and, voila, Ms Super Efficient 1-0 has replied my email. Hats off to her!]

Ever tired of making new friends?

I am hardly what one would label a sociable person. While (I like to believe that) I am not socially inept in terms of mingling and speaking with people, I readily admit that I don't bother to know more people, make more friends, or even reconnect with old acquaintances and long-lost friends. Not that I dislike making new friends; it's just that i am apathetic and prefer not to. Various factors may have contributed to this state of affairs, the least of which is not the age factor.

With growing years behind you, you kind of develop a weariness and often prefer that things stay the way they are. Not everything in life, but almost certainly it extends to your social circle. Content with the pool of friends whom you've grown comfortable with, you somehow become less amenable to making new friends - unless these strangers share with you certain traits which make either sides click right away.

Making new friends, developing a friendship - this takes time and requires both committment and sincerity. After all, most of your current good friends became good friends after you've spent a long period of time (likely to be during your formative years) together. The friendship didn't establish itself over night.

A certain level of cynicism also seems to accompany age. As the trite saying goes, it takes two to clap, two to tango. A clap can only be as loud as each hand makes it to be. Partings, faltering, flourishing - these are as natural in relationships as death is certain in life. More than anything else, I realise reciprocity is necessary in making a friendship last. I think i did let some friendships go because after some time, i grew so tired of being the initiator. Not that these people stop being your friends, but you know they've become just like any other friend: not so close as before, if they are ever considered close in the first place.

And those long-lost friends, acquaintances, ex-classmates - I sometimes would rather our paths not cross again, because i often feel lost at what to say or do - at least what to say or do without being superficial and disingenuous. I hate putting up appearances, but you know what, we all have to put up appearances in life - not all the time, but in some situations, quite often in fact. That's the way things are. But its inevitability doesn't make it any more palatable.

The flip side to all this cynicism? (And you wonder if there is a positive side!) You treasure and appreciate existing friends, you genuinely enjoy their company and friendship. And you don't grow weary - not if there's reciprocity, mutual understanding and concern. Perhaps some things (including relationships) are just not meant to be. You don't dwell on them, but you focus on others that can enjoy a meaningful outcome, those that are worth your pursuit.

So now, i did say i'm not a very sociable person, didn't I? ;)

It's been quiet of late coz...

Over Emails...

K: you free for dinner anytime this wk?

Me: Meeting up this week...afraid not. I nearly had a panic seizure yesterday when the enormity and urgency of the work i have ahead of me suddenly struck me.

K: no problem about dinner - perhaps next yr? hahah

Tennis

I played tennis today (Sunday). And proved to be completely inept. Can't do backhand, balls went out of the court, eyes were stung by sweat, making it harder than it already was to catch the ball.

But boy, was it good fun. Thankfully Francis and SP weren't masters at the game yet, though they obviously played better than I. So we promised to play more frequently - hopefully. Practice aside, i shall go do some theory research. The last time i played tennis was, after all, donkey years ago. I played crap then - actually, no, I was only learning how to play. Now, so obviously playing crap. But the thing about such games is that you want to improve, you want to play better; because you really enjoy the game the better you are at it.

So there, maybe my resolution for the Rat year could be to learn and play better tennis. How difficult can that be right? ;)

Slow. I. Am.

We'd been playing for nearly 3 hours. The second match was won by SP and Nic; and we would have gone into the third set had SP not have to leave.

As SP hurried to his bag, Nic said to no one in particular: 'It's power and determination'.

I gave a faint smile.

'Actually, it's fear...' came SP's reply, almost cheekily.

Then, somewhat retardedly, I blurted out: 'Wait a minute...are you talking about the game or him being late to meet his gf for lunch?!'

Can't deny I'm slowwwww.