Emptiness

"So that's how we live our lives. No matter how deep and fatal the loss, no matter how important the thing that's stolen from us - that's snatched right out of our hands - even if we are left completely changed people with only the outer layer of skin from before, we continue to play out our lives this way, in silence. We draw ever nearer to our allotted span of time, bidding it farewell as it trails off behind. Repeating, often adroitly, the endless deeds of the everyday. Leaving behind a feeling of immeasurable emptiness."

- Sputnik Sweetheart, Haruki Murakami

Unseen Moments #9: Gentle Whisper

The wind blows.
I take a deep breath,
inhale hope and refresh.
Gently you stir,
my troubles drift away.

a foreigner's sense of wonder

"I walk across the park, on a narrow path at its edge, in the autumn sunlight, and feel a foreigner's sense of wonder: the convenience stores placed along the small, shiny road, as if they were just more vending machines; the two-story houses, tidily guarded by their walls, lined up along the narrow streets like salarymen in their business suits waiting in a receiving line for the future. Every trace of the old expunged as efficiently as once the trees and the rice paddies were, here in this place where hope means the West, and tomorrow."

- Grandmothers in Sun After Dark: Flights into the Foreign by Pico Iyer

Sunday trails

Cool breeze. Warm sunshine. Kids in a field. Two roti prata plain with 100+. Scorching heat. Winding roads and quaint blocks. Kaya Butter toast with tea. Chocolate Fudge cake and cappuccino. Meeting a good friend.

That was my Sunday.




The orange glob follows me wherever I go.


Shadow bridge




Lucky me. I met an incoming train!


I love the fern-covered tree. Gorgeous.


A permanent goal.



White & Black

Not quite Cupid

Saturday dinner was Chinese food with JpW and SM. Only two weeks ago, I received a sms from JpW after midnight informing his good friends that he's proposed, and SM has accepted his proposal. Over dinner, I managed to find out more about their uneventful proposal - nothing fanciful, just a simple affair between themselves.

I am happy for both of them. In one of the mysterious ways that life works, I have a somewhat small hand to play in bringing them together more than a year ago. No, I didn't introduce them to each other; neither did I play cupid by trying to bring them together. In fact, it was JpW who, out of the blue, noticed SM and became kind of romantically interested.

My small role was this: as a neutral and, if I may say, credible friend to each of them, I joined them for dinner at their first meeting. Thereafter, they went out on dates. SM then did not know JpW well and was suspicious when he suddenly asked her out for dinner. Knowing that I hang out with JpW, she put a condition to meeting him - that I join both of them. While I was reluctant to go along, I relented at the persuasion of JpW.

The dinner went well in the end (we dined at a restaurant in Duxton), we had a pleasant evening, and I could tell both of them were equals to each other. One funny moment that could have come out of a scene in a movie was when either of them went to the restroom during our after-dinner drinks. While one was away, I would be giving my 'sound advice' and responding to the other's queries, especially SM's. She was in doubt that JpW was genuinely interested in her, though I certainly think that she must have secretly relished the idea that she's being pursued.

Both of them are intelligent and highly eloquent, and it wasn't before long when SM reciprocated JpW's love. Along the way, I did my fair share of brother duty by allaying the fears of SM and singing not a few praises - all honest and candid - of JpW. I could see them getting along with each other really well: one who is romantically blinded, the other waiting to be romantically bound.

The rest, as they say, is history. I began to see less of JpW as his social life soon became SM, and he her social life. The three of us would meet up for dinner and tea now and then, though admittedly I am usually the one who's unavailable and could not meet.

Their engagement and marriage was a foregone conclusion long ago, seeing as it is how they enjoyed each other's company. JpW was moreover a most devoted and loving boyfriend to SM, there's little doubt that SM's happiness is in safe hands.

Come twenty twelve, I would witness their happy matrimony, and I know they will enjoy each other's companionship as they make the remaining journey in life together. Congratulations again, JpW and SM!

Before Sunset

Beautiful sunlight. Splendid company. Truffle fries and sticky date pudding. Chilled drinks. A tiny baby that pouts and ekks.

That was my Sunday last week. Before sunset.

Norwegian Wood

I was tempted to buy the latest paperback edition of Norwegian Wood despite having already read it and even owned a copy. This edition has the two Japanese leads from the movie adaption of the novel fronting the cover. It's taken from a scene where the characters Naoka and Watanabe stood in the midst of the vast wintry mountains and held each other.

I am usually not enamoured of book covers featuring movie stills. But I took an immediate liking to this one when I first saw it in the stores. Somehow, the soulful looks of the two actors struck a chord with me: they convey a melancholy appeal that is at once both fragile and captivating - very much capturing the emotional appeal of the characters in the famous Murakami novel.

Two weeks ago, I was extended a free movie pass to catch the preview of Norwegian Wood with two other friends. Of course, no screen adaptation is ever going to do justice to Murakami's work, whose beauty lies in the poetry of his words (albeit translated). I enjoyed reading Norwegian Wood not because it has an amazing plot, but because I found resonance with the wistful melancholy thoughts and the acute sense of loss and emotional searching that the characters drift through.

I knew the movie was never going to make the same level of connection, but it would be unfair to hold it to the same standard in the first place. As with any movie adaptations, it's the literary work that precedes the film. Nonetheless, I thought it was an admirable effort by Director Tran Anh Hung to try and capture the essence of the novel and its emotional depth. The cinematography was lovely, as was the setting of the period when student protests were prevalent. I enjoyed the stunning mountainous landscapes, and the details of the places and costumes which were ever so briefly touched on to evoke a subtle appeal. Unfortunately though, the music and pacing proved rather sombre and heavy, and that cast a depressing shadow over the movie. For this reason, I told my friends that this movie would be better appreciated if you had first read the book.

Meanwhile, I shall ponder about buying the book: perhaps not now but in the future when I feel it's time for a second reading.

Midweek

Gratitude: Company of Buddy in mid-week. The last I met him was at his wedding in January. Pity he had diahorrea midway through our meal and I ended up eating most of the pizza myself.
     Last Photo: Courtesy of John. Ice-cream yesterday!

life lived in gratitude

Gratitude: Spending a Friday evening with good pals over a simple meal.Sometimes, I can feel my heart aglow with happiness when my mind fills with thoughts about how beautiful Life is. Life is many things and means different things to different people. But being able to look back your life and savour the journey is something that everyone can relate to. Blessed are the ones who could, with their friends, look back their lives and laugh together at pockets of memories that have stood out despite the passage of time. The poignancy lies in not just the memories and experiences that have accumulated and made us who we are today; it is also the fact that these recollections accompany our journey of growing old till we arrive at the end. Sometimes, it's important to take a step back and appreciate the past and the present, the little journeys that we make as we grow old. It allows you to appreciate the magic that weaves life's little moments and journeys together. Such contemplations can give us a sense of contentment and teach us about gratitude in life.

I was reminded of this when I met Jon and YB yesterday for dinner. Our running plans were laid to rest earlier in the day because Jon had been nursing a cold. Though we ended up having dinner only, it was fun in the way that is possible because we've been through a good part of our life together and therefore have a lot to chat about (and laugh). As with most other friends of our age, we've reached a stage where we are all quite comfortable in our own skin, living a life away from the limelight, preferring the less exciting but cozier cafe to the head-spinning pubs. It's a telltale sign of getting older, which often becomes fodder for self-deprecating jokes that spawn much laughter.

As usual, I was armed with my camera and we took some pictures. I joked that we should take more pictures while we are still reasonably youthful. After all, nobody wants to look at pictures of old men, and I am quite sure we would not be so enthusiastic about taking photos when we have undeniably crossed into the realm of uncles and ah-peks. The restaurant has a kodak printing machine; in a spontaneous moment, we printed out three photos that were taken in a continuous shot.

At the end of the night, I felt genuinely happy and thankful for spending an uneventful Friday evening with my good friends, one of them a die-hard cheesecake fan of the cafe who has such an irrepressible grin (when he thinks about and eats the cheesecake) it makes me smile just thinking about it. :)
   

Cottony Morning

I found bubbles of cotton in the sky when I stepped out of my flat this morning. Although the sky's just a sky and clouds are just clouds, together they offer infinite permutations that can be an inspiring and uplifting sight. I could stare at the sky and admire it for a long time. One moment the clouds might coalsce into a continuous sheet; the next moment they could be spreading apart and forming different shapes as they drift across the blue canvass. Looking at them gives me a feeling of lightness and uncluttered freedom.

I was reminded of the conversation between Lucy and Charlie Brown. Lucy says, 'I could just lie here all day and watch them drift by.'

Me too.
_____________________________


Lucy: Aren't the clouds beautiful? They look like big balls of cotton. I could just lie here all day and watch them drift by. If you use your imagination, you can see lots of things in the cloud's formations. What do you think you see, Linus?

Linus: Well, those clouds up there look to me look like the map of the British Honduras on the Caribbean. [points up] That cloud up there looks a little like the profile of Thomas Eakins, the famous painter and sculptor. And that group of clouds over there... [points] ...gives me the impression of the Stoning of Stephen. I can see the Apostle Paul standing there to one side.

Lucy: Uh huh. That's very good. What do you see in the clouds, Charlie Brown?

Charlie Brown: Well... I was going to say I saw a duckie and a horsie, but I changed my mind.

gentle retreat

I love rainy evenings, when dusk descends quietly in the company of falling droplets, turning the gentlest part of the day into melancholy beauty, while the pitter-patter of the rain becomes the perfect score for the retreat of daylight.

As the rain lulls me into a languorous mood, the details of the surroundings - people walking, water splashed by cars, changing colours of traffic lights - turn into a fuzzy backdrop for the final transition into darkness. How I wish such a charming moment would freeze: things remain in constant motion under a slightly crimson cloudy sky, the city illuminated by the faint evening light, and the rain gentle enough to make the braver souls walk along the streets without umbrellas.

Tang Yuan, I like!

Since I discovered this particular shop near my office selling glutinous rice balls, or tang yuan, I have been eating their tang yuan far too many times than I care to remember. I usually have them as dessert after dinner, to sweeten what would usually have been a lousy day.

It's true that one doesn't need to have a lot of money or material comforts in life to enjoy a bit of pleasure every now and then. You just need to have the right attitude and, literally, a healthy appetite for simple pleasures - like eating these colourful riceballs. This sort of rice balls - small and plain, without any fillings - is very easy to make but not many places sell them. Its appeal to me could just as well be the reason for its lack of popularity - they are plain, filled with no exciting ingredients such as peanut or sesame paste.

Yet, I love them and am happy to eat them anytime. They are springy and colourful, sweet and tasty after being cooked in sweet broth for a period of time. Mum usually makes these rice balls once a year during winter solstice, or Dong Zhi. I never fail to finish the last scoop and devour every available rice ball. You bet I will be hopping by the store soon again to have another round of happy tang yuan. :)

take our cue from...

Take our cue from time, the master. Learn to weigh
everything equally: hope and grief, two sides
to a partner we should love unconditionally.

Learn to love a clean kitchen, as well as the ants
around the bin like the spoor of something
left unsaid, something important.

... ...

To love the smell of rain, the cold rain on our faces.

Love the thunder and the sleep it cracks open.

What we have now. And what will come after.

- extracted from Take Our Cue from Time by Cyril Wong

Read the full poem here: Take our Cue from Time

How this Sunday evening ended

After more than a year, this gem that I had discovered remains a lovely hideout that's not been colonised by the masses. Its obscure location could be one reason why it's not as popular as other coffee joints. Or perhaps many people who hang out at cafes simply choose to go to places which are more popular and prominent. The fact that it's but part of a bookstore which lacks mainstream appeal may also explain its continued obscurity.

Which suits me fine. I didn't set out to make a trip there today, but the place somehow found its way into my mind. Before I knew it, I was making my way there and was pleased to find only a few people when I arrived. There were none of the teenagers or loud-talking youngsters commonly staking out at other coffee places. I liked the quiet of the place and its sparse interior. Happy that the chocolate fudge brownie that I liked was still offered - like the other cakes, it was inside the big bell jar - I ordered one along with camomile flower tea, something light to go with the chocolate.

I sat down, finished the cake far too quickly, and then read my book. That's when I started to feel very relaxed and had a change of mind about going back to office. Places affect my mood and induce all kinds of thoughts. At that moment, my mind was suffused with the soft music playing in the store, my sight softened by the orange ambient lighting, and my mood soothed by the rivulets of rainfall cascading down the window pane.

I wanted to write too, to unload my mind of the sudden influx of thoughts, thoughts formed if only because I had settled into a cozy environment. I thought of how uninspired I usually am most of the time, because times like this which inspire thinking and contemplation have become a luxury that I could ill afford.

It was raining outside. The storm had brought along with it early darkness and gloom before the ascent of dusk. I read a few pages of my book, then took out another book and read a few pages as well. I decided I shall go home and spend the rest of the Sunday evening in the comfort of my own home, even if it means working late into the night.

swimming pool

The turquoise pool and white tiles, the spartan facilities and old age feel - I love all of this.

Silent beauty

If one used to hanker for toys and games at a young age, then self-identity and material comfort after attaining financial independence, what then does one yearn and live for after these stages? Family and friends, spiritual faith and charity work, you may say.

To quote what I read elsewhere, I hope to bring 'silence and thought' into my daily life, to be able to enjoy an equanimity that hopefully comes with age, and to find joy in the simplest things that abound in life.

To live a life of quiet content and wisdom.

lingering smell & silent dark

Feeling the rush of wind in your face, or the caress of a cool breeze.
Taking unhurried steps in the mid morning under the denim sky.
Breathing in fresh air, smelling the scent of grass and crisp air - and letting the smell linger.
Observing the folks on a train and letting the scene run like one out of a movie.
Browsing carelessly in the final minutes before the bookstore closes.
Listening to old songs and chinese pop classic floating through the air while you wait for your takeaway.
Drawing a deep, conscious breath in the thick of the night in the open balcony.
Admiring the silent gulf in the dark between you and the rest of the universe.
Returning to that same photo of her adorable pout, her innocent eyes and fatty cheeks.
Letting your mind slip into nothing and nothingness.

These are the pockets of sanity I cling to; they are the moments that never fail to remind me of what I'm missing now - the little things that invigorate, uplift and calm.

Dance in the Wind

I love the way the branches stretch out in this picture as though they were reaching for the unlimited vast space and hovering sky with a quiet and sturdy grace.